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| With ever a brave face, our warrior steps forward |
I want to talk about it but at the same time I'm apprehensive.
Anyhow.
In November someone approached me with an idea to give women a platform to express their concerns and share their experiences with instances of gender based violence towards them including street harassment, and physical and psychological domestic abuse.
I instinctively said I support them but I am fearful of having to look back at my own experiences with such. They are painful memories to dredge up and I wasn't mentally prepared to do it.
She insisted I should, so I coined the popular phrase and lead the charge. You know, because I'm accustomed to being the ice breaker.
Within hours, it caught on and spread.
Within days it went regional.
There was a mad scramble and interviews and we realized this is going to continue gaining momentum at a rate that we couldn't manage alone.
Other ladies were asked to help, my recollection of events was I was asked if I thought it was a good idea to bring in other people, and I said yes to the names who I will leave out because this is about me and why I left, since several people, men and women have now asked me point blank why I let it die.
Now the initial stages were hectic, I was fully caught up in the passion, fully dedicated to this cause, not because it was mine, but because it was RIGHT. I wanted no ownership because the name may have been my brainchild, but the idea was rightfully my acquaintance's. I insisted that people recognized that because as an woman who once had my ideas stolen, I knew what was about to happen could catapult her to the spotlight and I didn't want there to be silly distractions like who claims what, coming to light.
The weekend of December 9th came along and we pushed that campaign like mad on twitter, tying into the BBC based hash tag, mapping harassment, a 72 hour campaign that tracked the instances of street harassment around the world.
I got the first reach out from Georgina Rennard of the BBC, confirmed with the functioning pr rep within the organization and was given the go ahead to give an email interview, which would give us time to field questions and CAREFULLY respond and control the pace of the conversation.
The person who had the vision for the movement, got a radio interview. By no fault of her own, she provided them with her contact number to speak directly to them. BBC does not keep radio interviews in their archives. I happen to know that. It was a contributing factor to why I chose to have a written interview. Keep in mind I was very specific in my language in my emails, identifying the person who came up with the idea and myself as the person who named it.
They keep their radio interviews for 15 days then erase them.
I chose to ask my mother to keep my daughter during vacation since at any point I would be called into a meeting, asked to do a radio interview, asked to do an online intervention any number of tasks that may have interrupted my perceived duty. Man I got my ass cussed out, which lead to me cussing someone out for wasting my time. Apparently I was wrong, I was too hostile in my approach, and NO ONE ASKED me to neglect my motherly duties. I will take that.
That was the first time I revealed my issues with tardiness, having to make excuses for people being late, having to work around other people who lacked the experience to manage their time so they match the schedules of those on the ball with being where they needed to be when they needed to be there.
I sent my mom a copy of the BBC interview and the radio interview to explain to her what I had been doing, apologizing for shoving extra duty on her, during christmas, she calmed down.
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| This woman right here though? Solid as a ROCK. |
Then, we in my house, lost everything.
We lost our rent, groceries, and christmas funds and with 2 children in our home that we had to look after during the holidays, having just moved into the house, we had no choice but to take time off to pay attention to our family.
I remain eternally grateful to the people who took a moment to ask how we made it through, when others stepped up to offer to pay anything something towards the free makeup jobs done by the mua who just lost everything alongside me, while she was scrambling to come up with simple breakfast things for both our children. My priority honestly, became focusing on how my child was doing since she was ill during that period.
I was dead focused on the emergency popping off home, when it was brought to my attention by my former colleague, that my contribution to the movement, was being seen as “not the tone the movement was supposed to be setting”. Everyone was seeing my face, and hearing my voice, it was coming over as though I was the spokesperson for the movement and honestly it was not about me, my voice was not needed.
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| I can handle labels, won't pretend they're not cloaked in respectability tho. |
At that time I was all ready to bounce like aite cool, I know when I'm being told “bish you too ghetto and popular” in a roundabout way. I'm a grown girl, I actually do know when to shove off.
I offered to withdraw, on Dec 15th, in a private conversation with someone I respect so much, who was also giving her time in the movement, because honestly, I saw the movement as that important, women needed it. Men needed to see. My ego ain't mean that much that I can't shove it aside, and step back. Basically she asked me to chuck my attitude, swallow my pride and continue to do right by the movement.
Anybody, who knows me, knows I struggled with that, but be christ I got it done, until the moment when I asked for something and was met with passive aggressive rejection.
We had a meeting with a lawyer, for free, now, seeing as in my life I have genuinely had one too many meetings with lawyers, I was STOKED that one even considered taking time out for this.
The night before the meeting, the conference chat confirmed who was to be in the meeting, directions to the meeting were posted and sent via email to make sure they weren't lost in the chat, an hour before the meeting I saw questions from my former colleague, regarding where the meeting would be, and how some people were supposed to get there. I pretty much shut up, and attended the legal meeting that I was already halfway to. We would all get the legal notes from the lawyer afterward.
The day I asked for something that was pertinent to the movement itself and was immediately met with dismissal and the world of cold shoulder, I snapped, and I was genuinely unprofessional, I called someone childish, immature and self indulgent, based on my personal feelings about things happening outside of our conference chat.
I was wrong and I accepted that, I accepted admonishment for my actions and again, it crossed my mind to leave, and I decided to, because at the end of the day, I hate disappointing people, and the thousands of women, including Tanya Stephens, including Dr. Maria Agard, Tonni Ann Brodsy from the UN Women, who I met and researched furiously, including my own cousin, who trusted us with THEIR stories, were at this point more important than my attitude.
I make hard decisions quickly and cleanly when I can, and the hardest decision I could make would be to pretend I was able to serve the higher purpose by being involved in an entity, already poisoned by my mere presence in it.
I didn't start talking about women's issues with that entity, but I put women's vulnerability on the line by telling them hey look at me, you can trust me, I got you and I feel shitty because I was not strong enough to weather a storm of conflict and ego.
People keep asking why I left, why did I push so hard, my dad was proud, because he knows how strongly I feel about this, why did I walk away right then?
I'm a simply multifaceted woman, deciding to speak about my experiences candidly, rather than what was expected and hide away in shame, and I am not here to play respectability politics on ANY level.
I haven't stopped doing what I do because it fell apart, I still offer women my limited resources, including being the liaison between them and the law when necessary, but unfortunately, I had to leave the movement that I named exactly where it is, on social media.
Normally, we hear every story has two sides right?
Anyway, I'm out.
