Socially Failing The Boys, Because We Over Prepare the Girls.

Society continues to put the weight of responsibility on the backs of our girls by continually ratifying the irresponsibility of the men in our societies, and giving them no sense of personal accountability.

We continue to let boys be boys, even though we have deliberately set the stage that boys will always be more than liable for their indiscretions despite our personal feelings on the matters.

At some point, we will need to realize, the mentality of always seeking to move the spotlight FROM the boy in question to share it on the girl who he committed the act with, is the entire reason why a significant fraction of the men in society, refuse to act in a manner conducive to themselves and to society in general.

They don't have to, because someone else will always hold the blame, while all they have to do is pay a nominal social fine.

It plays out every day, a man catcalls a woman, she is dressed accordingly, the catcalls turn to straight out harassment, it is her fault, he is responding to her stimulation of his sex. She dressed in a manner that he as a man must react lewdly, and it is her fault for initiating the situation by dressing in such an inviting manner.

This same society will jail a man for acting on the impulse to procreate with a younger than legal age female, simply because she is available for the act and he feels to act on his impulse regardless of legal ramifications of such behavior.

On one hand we tell them it's okay to be an impulsive, immature, obscene oaf, on the other hand, we crush them for following nature, for obeying their developing sexuality.

We as a society lump the predators with the prey and harpoon them to the full extent of the law without mercy or second thought.

We draw blood from the girls, the boys, the women, the men, the parents, we launch proverbial free kicks at the moving goal posts that is what is socially acceptable and morally right, sinking the ball into the back of the net of what is legally correct.

It is proven that boys do not mature as quickly as girls, yet girls are vilified for being physically ready for sexual contact, but still grossly uneducated to the mental and emotional changes that occur as our bodies get ready to birth the next generation. In the same breath, we lambaste boys, who have NEVER been held accountable wholly for their own actions, they have never been allowed to develop, they themselves have never been groomed by an entire society, many of them come from single parent homes, with their mothers as the thin gossamer between them and a cruel harsh reality, that the world only sees them as useful for only as far as their dicks reach, unlike their female counterparts, who the world sees as the loyal pack mules of our societies.

Girls are doggedly groomed into the heads of the next age, men remain suppressed in a toxic fog of pseudo-masculinity, and the painful part is we only seem recognize the cracks in the mirror, when things go so horribly wrong that someone is either dead, or going to jail. When someone gets raped, or murdered, that's when WE a society, realize that we are setting our babies, boys and girls, up for failure.

Even then, what do we do? We the society, what do we do when things go horribly wrong?

We a society, we blame the girl and give the boy a severe punishment for his lack of knowledge and lack of comprehension. He doesn't understand what exactly he did wrong half of the time, we never bother to correct it, we only punish.

The boy who gets caught trying to force a girl to suck his wang, simply knows he sexually assaulted her, but he does not know why it is sexual assault, judging from some of the public comments on the situation, many adults don't know either. The 22 year old guy who has sex with a 14 year old girl, who he was dating for 2 years does not know that his irresponsibility is what he is being punished for, he is punished even though up until he did one wrong thing, he was the representation of this girl's "little boyfriend".

The girl get's a stiff moral reprimand, but society forgives her in 4 years, she is automatically slotted into “social norm” by following the habit of younger woman/older man, but the guy, he's forever labeled a child rapist. Even though it might have just been that one time.

There is very little dialogue to guide men INTO this cruel ocean of realities and nuanced expectations, he is just supposed to KNOW, you have sex with the young ones and keep them close, when you get older you find one that can keep a home because she was raised right, sew some wild oats and get the EP points and by time you're 35, find one that is not too hard on the eyes, with one child or less and settle down.

Us girls seem to have an easier run, seeing as we are groomed from birth to settle into the niche of mammy/wife, but, this is as far as my limited observation will go.

It's time to recognize it cannot be this black and white. We cannot continue to set boys up for failure, they do not deserve it, and neither do women deserve to continue to be raising boys into men, when we decide to find mates.

A Conversation Of Consent.

con·sent

kənˈsent/

noun

1. 1.

   permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.

   "no change may be made without the consent of all the partners"

   .

verb

1. 1.

   give permission for something to happen.

   "he consented to a search by a detective"

   synonyms:

   agree to, assent to, yield to, give in to, submit to.

Consent is defined as permission.

Before we go any further.

People always ask why I go so hard for teen girls, knowing that teen girls often pursue grown men in sexual ways, but I never blame the girl.

Why?

If the uniform is on from 7-4, chances are it ain't earning wages.
Decline the request!!
Disincline to acquiesce!!

Because I was a teen girl who got put in her place by a grown man once, his name is Oscar, he's still my friend to this day, sure he knew that I was attracted to him but he, being the grown ass man that he was, never crossed that fucking line.

Even as a grown woman now he continued to treat me respectfully, as an attractive woman, but I am still that girl he knew from her nerdy days as a school girl.

Anyhow, that's my story.

A minor, CANNOT give consent.

No, it does not matter how the fuck she presents the pussy, it does not matter how big her ass or titties are, it simply does not matter how much cock she calls you and tells you she wants.

A girl under the age of 16 cannot tell you “bring de cocky fuh me cuz I want all” they simply CANNOT.

It is on the ADULT to decline those invitations.

It is on the ADULT to put that child in their place and protect both them and the child from the consequences of breaking the law.

No, a young girl or boy, messaging your phone is not an excuse to say “but she was ready”

No, them sending you pussy and dick pics don't change shit. Send that shit to the police and tell them the youngling is attempting to entrap you with their carnal and lewd conduct. Protect YOURSELF.

At 25, you should be knowledgeable enough to know that if you ducking and coming at a girl mudda or fadda house and she can only talk to you at certain hours she is a minor.

Don't bring the bullshit about her threatening you with exposure, if you really were concerned about that, you wouldn't have fucked with her in the first place. You fucked because you wanted a warm tight hole to drop ya dick in without the responsibility that comes with women your own age. You fucked because she gave you time of day.

As a woman I did my fair share of shit too, so I won't be a hypocrite and cry against younger men who have younger girl friends, but, I will have no fucking sympathy for a man, who allows himself to be “tricked” into fucking a minor.

I don't care how fast a lil girl is, a lil girl, under the legal age, CANNOT GIVE CONSENT, and I will deal with girls because until I see grown ass men, actually taking responsibility for their inadequacies, I will simply not speak on men's issues, I cannot.

It pains me that EVERY single man I know, was raped, by older women, friends of their families, aunts, big sister's best friends, but, I will not use my platform to further delve into that, until I feel satisfied to see grown men actually stand up and call out the disgusting members of their ranks for their bullshit. 

PettySixteen, The Year Of iBrows

Back in July of last year I got fired from a call centre in Barbados, it was an unfair dismissal but not a wrongful one. The procedures leading up to my dismissal were all followed to the letter, but it was proven that the person doing all recordings of my behavior were biased.

Nothing about my case is abnormal, I have a big mouth, I don't tolerate people trying to walk over me and I make that clear with no regrets in life, obviously when placed in a work environment where absolute subordination is expected, I will cause ripples.

Fast forward to October 12th of 2016.

A pair of videos were posted to social media platform, with a woman in work attire, giving a subjectively funny running commentary about being in a bathroom, putting on her work face.

"One eyebrow, one eyebrow, whe de feh?"

 The company that was employing Tammy Edwards, was the local iMart franchise. They were not impressed with her drawing them into public eye (while not drawing on that left eyebrow), while in uniform, with their branding being visible.

According to her own account, she was dismissed following a meeting with management, she stated it was supposed to be a joke about her only having one eyebrow, nothing to do with work, or even the fire drill itself.

Ironic as it may seem, I completely understand her humor, I roared in laughter because I can relate to something like this, as a mother, I've been in the shower and lathering up and heard a child scream out my name, and tore out of the bathroom, body covered in soap, and low and behold, said child is contorted on the chair, fighting with the television remote- "MUMMY!!! I CAN'T GET THE CHANNEL CHANGED!!!" and poor me, now with soap in my eye, in a bare towel, can only leggo the two "rassholes" and "wha de muddacunt" under my breath and carry myself back into my bath, with my heart now finding its way back to its rightful place in my chest.

To make it even worse, let me show you a scenario that happened at the very same call centre that fired me.

Eyebrows on point. Dem on FEH!!

We were on our production floor, my department was the furthest from the exits and around 10.00am the fire alarm went off. Now, we had been coached in how to react in such an event (get up, and make your way, without panicking or rushing and pushing, to the exists, avoid elevators etc). As my department and the adjoining department went on to do what we knew was right, up pops a senior trainer, yelling at us to stay still until we find out if there was a real fire.

She was ignored harder than "Please read Terms and Conditions" on a java software update.

The people in my department all joked at her (privately amongst ourselves) because surely this was not a seasoned veteran, a manager telling us to ignore a fire bell that was actually STILL ringing as we calmly walked past her.

We relayed the situation to our manager and she let us know we obviously did nothing wrong, and it brought up the need for emergency reactive training to be introduced to all members of management.


But, I digress, back to Tammy's situation.

Many people are voicing opinions that Tammy's behavior in the video is an embarrassment to her former employers, she's cussing and carrying on. She's making light of a serious drill and they were right to dismiss her immediately, on the opposite side of the river, we have many people stating it is ludicrous and childish to dismiss an employee for something so trivial.

I myself weighed in on a video, where I stated, "Most companies in Barbados operate on the three strike policy, if you violate their policies three times within a set time frame, you automatically terminate yourself, if you have previously violated their policies and they have carried on as they were supposed to, there's nothing you can do once you cross the final line."

I do not personally agree that she should have been fired, but, that is me, personally. We understand that is an opinion and it can be right or wrong.

It Gine Be Licks Like FEH!!

However, I'm not her previous employer, I have my sense of humor, which appreciates humor based on personal experience and I don't believe in bad publicity (anyone who's seen Mrs. Ramm's Trip Advisor Page can definitely understand that last part, Casa Grande is STILL open and operating) and unless someone can get their hands on iMart's employee contracts, this is a situation where it is up to Tammy to decide if she wants to pursue any case for wrongful/unfair (two separate issues mind you) dismissal against them. From her latest interview in the media, and her social media posts, Tammy could not be less bothered, she's been seen around the likes of international Soca Stalwart and front man fuh ALLAWE  Peter Wiggins, aka Miss Wiggins Last Boy, aka, Peter Ram.

That being said, this also shows you the general tone taken with frontline staff in Barbados, the grunt workers, the blue collars, the women mostly, are faced with commands of "Shut up and take it" or "do your work with absolutely NO demonstration of character except the decent church mouse".

The instant you attempt to be anything but the quiet, humble employee, you are a nuisance, an idiot, a waste.

Apparently ICBL have the BEST Social Media Team
Of All Time.

Social media has erupted with the cries of how she is stupid, how she should have thought about her actions while in uniform, she was cursing and carrying on, and the horrific attitude of hers, dismissing the urgency of a fire drill because of an eyebrow, that she could have wiped off.

What pains me is many of my friends, who echo these sentiments can be found sharing videos of comedic origins, made by unknown American, like a police officer in uniform making jokes or dancing in his full uniform, hat and gun included , and all the while they're dying in laughter.

What pains me, is she is a woman like me, and she was made an example of, over the verbalization of a mental conversation that she found hilarious, that made no fun of anyone but herself.

I have people stating "You must represent my business as I see fit", and I remember standing up for myself in my last meeting in the call centre when I was told that my attitude was too abrasive and confrontational, because I simply would not bullied.

I see people calling her stupid because Peter Ram is just taking advantage of her recent shoot to the headlines, but when it wears off, what does she have? Here I am writing and hoping one day to make it as a writer for someone who appreciates my candor and style.

I see women, stating this is how proper businesses work, you always have to think of the business and how your actions reflect on them, and I remember my friends who joined a union, demanded a raise of pay to reflect the current financial times, and not 1989, and were subsequently FIRED, from one of the most prestigious luxury companies in Bim.

I see men asking "Why do people think just because someone gives you a little time in the studio means money will follow?" and "Looka foolish she, gone and lost she lil pick", when she was a cashier in a brand name franchise in an island where her hourly pay stays between $6.50 and $8.00 an hour starting.

Sure, she stumbled into her fame, cussing moderately (if you know me, Tammy ain't got one rasshole on me in those videos) and probably choosing a bad time, because fire drills MUST be taken seriously (everyone seems to be ignoring the fact that she actually LEFT the building in an orderly fashion through her entire monologue), but, who is to say that this was not where she needed to be? Who is to say that this isn't her time to do something that can be appreciated?

To me, a single mother in 2016, looking at another single mother in 2016, this the perfect time for Tammy to be on FEH!!!!

So You Wanted Me To Really Write? or An Address of Fallacy and Transparency By Just Another Citizen.

Senator Maxine McClean

“The increase use of guns to settle disputes is really a pattern of what we are seeing among young people. People are using weapons to settle what I would call disputes in the areas of drug dealing.

“You have to ask yourself why is it that particularly young men, because they are ones seen losing their lives, getting injured and charged with crime, why is it that our young men are attracted to engagement in this and I don’t think it is only poverty. It is not simply a case of poverty. In my generation a lot of people did not turn to criminal activities. "

These are the words of Senator Maxine McClean, on a popular call in program.

She appears detached from reality, and very desperately trying to justify her own support of a few fallacies.

Gun crimes can of course be tied to illegal activities of any nature, since, most people shooting others aren't armed forces members, and guns are not permissive in our country's laws.

How hard is it to understand that testosterone, the need to prove oneself as bigger and badder than the next guy, revenge and warped sense of entitlement can be contributing factors to the illegal use of firearms in crimes where persons are shot?

How hard is it to understand that times have changed, and instead of having to wait for the evening news, or the daily newspaper, instances of violence are immediately available to us via technology?

How hard is it to understand that 30-50 years ago, things that were legal and common place, are not necessarily legal today? It's not just a matter of "back in my day, we did bum bum bum bum bum, and that was it." times have changed, the evolution of the internet and social media, has made the world significantly smaller, and equally scarier.

Let me be sardonic and draw a few references on a social level, police officers in Bim are quick to draw, and also equally quick to beat persons who offend them. Mothers in Bim are quick to swing hand and land it in the child father's other woman, those women have been raising our sons for decades now. The stage has been set, and the players are now all performing.

I find serious issue with this whole "in my generation a lot of people did not turn to criminal activities" I would like proof of her generation having "a lot of people" not turning to crime, compared to this generation of people who get caught in criminal activities. I won't say there is any more or less crime, I can't prove it, or disprove it.

Also, of course guns will be used to kill other badmen who interrupt my King of the Hill moment- when you want a man dead, you don't break out a feather and start tickling him half to death and smother him with mauby syrup, that would be pretty much a rather strange sight, innit?

As for Mr. Symmonds... Sigh.

MP Kerrie Symmonds

"...the St James Central MP was however adamant that the country was anxious to see a level of response that would “assuage their collective concerns that Barbados is in fact able to deal effectively with crime."

No. We the public do not NEED our fears mitigated, we need our police force to EFFECTIVELY, PRODUCE ACTUAL RESULTS IN LOWERING THE INSTANCES WHERE CITIZENS ARE BEING INJURED, OR KILLED BY VIOLENT, CARELESS CRIMINALS.

We have had enough placating and promises, we have had enough redirection, misdirection and misinformation for several lifetimes over now, the people need transparency, and efficiency. Stop pandering for votes and allow the police officers, to conduct their investigations, into ALL crimes, without the political games of Boo Boo Catcher and Red Light Green Light from BOTH political teams.

Mr. Symmonds went on to insinuate further, that our government should indeed, be providing ways and means in which the disenfranchised members of society, (now absent of legal methods of which to secure a positive, and secure financial future, for them and their children) could better themselves and their finances using skills training, since the education system failed them.

I don't know if I would readily agree that the education system "failed" them, that would imply that our education system, even was meant to include them in the first place, and since our education system is not yet ready to evolve to accommodate vocationally inclined youth, instead of the current form of targeting and encouraging just the academically inclined. A system not built to encompass a particular target, cannot fail the target as it was never a contender.

Comments Referenced

Lemme Smoke My Ish Though!

Clifford been my dream date forever now.

Why was marijuana criminalized in the first place?

We as a society (Barbados) aren't ready for the decriminalization of marijuana...

We've been living in the folds of propaganda, influencing us to believe that marijuana itself is a demonic drug, that encourages negative social and health related behaviors in its users.

Many persons over the age of 30 still believe if you consume marijuana (in the most popular way of smoking it) you instantly become a violent criminal minus control of your senses and prone to terrorize everyone you come into contact with, simply because the drug influences you to be the worst you can be.

The perception that you will sell all your furniture, your body and your mother to get yourself your next fix of marijuana is STILL rampant and being taught as a method of prevention of drug abuse.

The idea that weed is a gateway drug to other, harder, more dangerous drugs is still being peddled to the ignorant masses, scared to look for information because let's face it, information is dangerous in large doses, in the hands of ignorant men.

Here are a few facts about Cannabis: 

Cannabis, is a psychotropic drug. Meaning it alters brain functions, other such drugs include Ativan, Xanax, Zoloft and Prozac.

In Barbados the most easily acquired form of Cannabis is Marijuana, the dried plant form that is smoked.

There are two main strains of Cannabis (there are more but let's keep it simple), Cannabis Sativa, and Cannabis Indica. They have varying effects on the consumer.


Those effects include:

• an altered state of consciousness. The user may feel "high", very happy, euphoric, relaxed, sociable and uninhibited.

• distorted perceptions of time and space. The user may feel more sensitive to things around them, and may also experience a more vivid sense of taste, sight, smell and hearing.

• increased pulse and heart rate, bloodshot eyes, dilated pupils, and often increased appetite.

• impaired coordination and concentration, making activities such as driving a car or operating machinery difficult and dangerous.

• negative experiences, such as anxiousness, panic, self-consciousness and paranoid thoughts.

Ironic as it is, Cannabis is still a Schedule 1 drug, which means the US based organization, the DEA, Drug Enforcement Administration, considers it one of the most dangerous drugs, in terms of addictive quality, and damage to individuals who use it. It joins LSD, and Heroine on that tier.

Why is that ironic? Well, because it's currently legal in over 20 states listed as follows:

Here are states with legal recreational marijuana: 

1. Alaska

2. Colorado

3. Oregon 

4. Washington 

Willie Nelson... America's poster Uncle.

Here are states with medical marijuana: 

1. Alaska

2. Arizona

3. California

4. Colorado

5. Connecticut

6. Delaware

7. Hawaii

8. Illinois

9. Maine

10. Maryland

11. Massachusetts 

12. Michigan

13. Minnesota

14. Montana

15. Nevada

16. New Hampshire

17. New Jersey

18. New Mexico

19. New York

20. Oregon 

21. Pennsylvania 

22. Rhode Island

23. Vermont

24. Washington

It's legal (with medical permit) in half the states, in the country that originally ordered it a dangerous substance, while that country maintains its highly xenophobic bias towards lower class, African American, Caribbean and Latin American offenders, caught with questionable amounts of the drug, often resulting in harsh terms of incarceration, heavy fines and deportation.

Anyhow, enough about America, it's clear that the government of the USA is still heavily biased and bathed in contradiction regarding Cannabis, as American scientists, doctors, patients and citizens who casually use the drug stay proving that the DEA's stance in refusing to demote Cannabis from Schedule 1 is in no way based on scientific evidence of it being any more dangerous than say over the counter drugs used to suppress coughs and manage colds, it's clear that the war on Marijuana is actually a war on class and colour, which is proven every time a high profile white male is revealed to have used the drug purely for recreation, and the major response from the higher ups stays within the circles of "boys will be boys" and "all kids go through a rebellious phase", but the other classes and colours are quickly branded as thugs, and social nuisances, by those same voices.

Don't Do The Marijuanas, It Will Turn Your Skin Funny.

Let's get back to this little island, Barbados.

On August 17th 2016, a 16 year old went before the court, his charge?

He was caught with marijuana. street value of $3, consequentially he was placed on $2000 bail, to return to court to find out his fate.

$3 in weed.

Not even $30, but $3.

It was weighed at two grammes, and is worth $3. He is 16, In my opinion, he should not be smoking that, or even in possession of the drug independently, he is too young, but, I wonder if he would have been charged if thy caught him with a Guinness, or a pack of cigarettes?

In my opinion that was a waste of the court's time, and the fine is obscene, not to mention, who the hell is selling that kind of weed so cheap? Are we even sure that's not just funky oregano???

Okay, two days later, an adult on a pleasure cruise was caught with $16 of the same substance. He was fined $1200, BY THE SAME MAGISTRATE.

Now, pardon me for seeming crude, but WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK THOUGH!!

You COMFORTABLY give a teenager a damn charge sheet, put their parent in whatever financial situation to post a bond/bail for $3 in chipwood.

Yeah, I'll let y'all think about that for a minute.

At some point, the powers that be in Barbados will HAVE to look at the fact that the law, and many who are tasked to uphold it, are asses. Around that same time, we will see them grow a backbone and stand up to good old Uncle Sam about his hypocrisy, while adjusting our own laws to encourage education rather than ignorance.

I can never understand how a country based on a culture of rum, minus any real control and protection against abuse, also, little to no legal consequence for being drunk, and doing anything from driving to driving with passengers, heck, there's no real legal limit to the amount of alcohol one can consume in Barbados, and there is no way to measure it, but, I digress, I can never understand how a country based on a culture of rum, can remain so ignorant to the value of decriminalizing a substance that they cannot prove is linked to misinformation used in the smear campaign and propaganda from 40 years ago, in racist USA.




Sources include: 

http://www.druginfo.adf.org.au/drug-facts/cannabis
https://www.drugs.com/illicit/cannabis.html

And other sites.

Have A Seat Aunty Betty, Wrinse Out Ya Salt Aunty Gwyneth.

The year is 2016.

This was me on

Grand Kadooment Monday, living where

you vacation

The Crop Over Festival has drawn to an end, and I survived Grand Kadooment on Monday, made it through the heat of Day 2 (Emancipation Day Bank Holiday) and here I sit in my pajama pants and breast cancer awareness t-shirt, at the computer scrolling along innocently after the trolling exercise I used yesterday to shirk my research duty into regional and international statistics of police brutality.

When suddenly, I happen across an article from our native online publication, Barbados Today.

In fact here is the exact words taken from the article still available to the public at this hour:

Award-winning designer Betty West said as she paraded on Monday she was shocked at the number of semi-nude women on the road.

“You could be sexy but covered. I saw big women with cellulites on the road. The string was so far up you couldn’t see nothing. For me that is a no no,” a disgusted West said during an interview with Barbados TODAY.

“Yes, you have slender girls with these things [on]. But when you see a full figured woman in this, for me it is disgusting,” added West, who said she expected criticism for speaking out about the issue.

“We don’t want this kind of thing in Barbados,” an adamant West stressed.

This sentiment seemed echoed further into the article as they interviewed my queen veteran, Aunty Gwyneth. Look, up until this point Aunty Gwyneth could very literally do no wrong for me, I adore her spirit and her costuming, she is boundlessly talented and there is no one above her.

Well, was. This is what Barbados Today journalist Anesta Henry came away with from my superhero. 

Young Lewis, assisting a Young Robyn

in the search for the next Bus Crawl.

Respected bandleader Gwyneth Squires shared similar outrage, telling Barbados TODAY some of the costumes she saw on the road ought to have landed the revelers behind bars.

“It has to stop. I saw some people yesterday in revealing costumes. To be honest, I sorry the police didn’t lock them up,” Squires declared.

The article went on to cleverly protect the identity (whether intentionally or not) of someone else, a male band leader who was taken aback by one of his male patrons turning up in less fabric than he paid for:

"Barbados TODAY understands that on Monday one bandleader received the shock of his life when he discovered that a male reveller in his band was wearing a thong instead of the shorts with which he was issued."

Now, before I go any further, lemme just declare, I have put on my Sunday hat, and taken off my behavior, my language will be bitter and my message will be absolutely clear.

BUT WHAT DE WHOLE HAM LEG AN' SOUSE I NOW READ DOA???

I have grown up loving and respecting these two women to almost familial level loyalty and dedication, but, in big 2016, you mean to tell me these two clowns cannot understand that it is not their place to cast judgment on the revelers who patronize who they want to, or to denigrate women by insinuating that they are only visually acceptable if they are slim, minus cellulite.

Aunty Betty would get me hawk one up from my guts and just leggo at she brass bowl, though.

Yes, I just typed that in pure, unfiltered bajan. I ain' giving two wukkups and a cock back who vex.

Aunty Betty forget that people have been telling her for YEARS, that she dresses too skimpily for her age? I grew up hearing women say "Betty West need to cool out with the sexiness" and never once has she bowed, who exactly de rambam she feel she is at this point? Women out here fighting with deciding if to go out or not because they're a little fatter because they had a baby, changed their jobs, just struggling with finding the discipline to control their weight? Do you know how many women are embarrassed to this day, that they sit down and their belly rolls look bigger than their girlfriends'? When you walking and wining all cross Bank Hall on an evening do you not think you can be criticized for not being an elegant 50 sain year old?

You just opened your mouth and talked utter jobby, because face it, you are losing the fight for Crop Over, you are no longer unrivaled along with Aunty Gwyneth for your shared crown. The "bikini" bands have taken over and are leaving you, with your antiquated, invidious opinions in the dust.

This is not about the festival, this is about your arrogance, your hubris at being left behind the same way Mr. Harding's effigy was.

And as for Aunty Gwyneth, your solution is to jail revelers because they are reveling in what you deem costumes too revealing for public consumption?

WHAT THE BACKSIDE ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON JAILING ABUSERS AND MEN WHO ARE FOUND IN THE ACT OF RAPING OUR GIRL CHILDREN? WHEN WILL YOU SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE ABUSE HOMOSEXUAL MEN FACE IN BARBADOS? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT JAILING WOMEN WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUNG BOYS? THE ONLY TIME YOU APPALLED BY THE HAPPENINGS IN THIS COUNTRY IS WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU NO LONGER FAMOUS AND YOUR GLORY IS BEING OUTSHONE BY HAPPY PEOPLE ENGAGING IN CONSENSUAL DEBAUCHERY BUT NOT DOING IT WITH YOU?

GIRL... BYE!

I am embarrassed to write this damned piece, knowing that Didi Winston, a queen whom I love with no restriction, was once criticized for being a flag girl for Aunty Gwyneth, "he" was "TOO BULLING"  "he" was obscene and offensive and everything Barbados didn't need at that time too. "He" wanted "locking up, cuz people 'chruldrin' did watching he get on like a bare ham an' ting in de middle ah de so an' so suck me teet' road."

"But waiiiittt... Skippa?"

Yet here you two are, flagrantly attacking the revelers who love the festival just as much as you do, because they aren't celebrating the festival WITH you. Here you are, guilty of the same discriminatory, yellow minded (that means badminded in my universe) comments and expressions towards your fellow revelers. Revelers who you cannot guarantee were local, who might have been interested in sharing a part of our heritage with you and your bands in future, who you do not know what opinions they have about body shaming, and ostracization, who are grown adults. You went so far as to suggest incarceration for the more adventurously clad revelers in your rival bands, because their costumes weren't made here (not a word bout "Crop Over Water", not a word about the Day 2 Jump that saw the East Coast Road shut off to accommodate it and has caused 'ruption in de place but arrest de girls and boys in de tstrings and cellulite boa). As you are my beloved aunties, I feel as a Bajan and a lover of Kadooment, it IS my duty, to offer both of you, and that homophobic ghost band leader, ALL THE FLIPPING SEATS IN THE AUDITORIUM, TEK ALL. DON'T LEFF BACK NONE, DUM IS WUNNA ONE.

SIT DOWN AND THINK BOUT WHA WUNNA NOW DO.

* ROLLS EYES AND SUCKS TEETH *

The Frank Collymore Hall itself, plenty sitting room.

* Article provided by journalist Anesta Henry from the online publication Barbados Today is linked here :Oh My ... God... Y'all Actually Said This? *

Self Love Is Never A Bad Thing

As a woman, I can only exist as myself.

I forget that this is mine, like all mine. It's not like I see it often. 

Today as I took my favorite body parts into account, taking photos, rubbing in the lotions slowly and deliberately, I realized I take these body parts for granted.

My shoulders, breasts, stomach, ass, thighs, I really don't show them the appreciation they deserve.
these are the parts that have contributed to my claim to womanhood. These are the parts that everyone else sees and appreciates, these are body parts other women pay their souls to achieve, be it by augmentation or voodoo magic waist bands.

Oh but, I am not perfect, and I remind myself of this, to the point that I have taken my own beauty for granted. I cannot simply see what others see, because they only see what is the end result, but never what was the journey.

Everyday I see my brothers hailing the sexiest of the sexiest, the women who represent the claim that "Black women" are perfect.

Most of these women look like they popped out of ghetto barbie catalogs and got smacked with a dose of Daddy Big Buck's right to the ass...

They shake, they "twerk" (not a motherfucker ask rasshole me to twerk I will digitally throat punch the ever living RASSHOLE outta you for that shit. I am Bajan, I do NOT fucking TWERK!) They are deemed the "Baddest" and they are loved and admired by all far and wide.

This is me, flaws and everything.

Then come us humble girls, us normal women, who can't pay anyone to suck off our body fat, who have cellulite over the thickness of our thighs (in my case, because when I go down by 40 lbs, the appearance of cellulite ceases to exist) or who can't pay anyone to inject silicone to widen our hips, or lift our tits, who are struggling against the tide, because our men, our beloved men, think we should be simple, plain, and content to be cheated on by them in thought and deed as they shun our love for ourselves, but embrace the sexier plastic models and their unconditional implied love of selves.

We should be modest, because we are imperfect or something, which never flies well with me, I worked hard for this body, carried children, lost and gained weight unpleasantly, gave up favorite pairs of jeans that made me feel complete because of widening hips and you trying to tell me I cannot or should not be in love with myself? Jokes. Yet in the same breath, you would tell me most vulgarly how you would love to leave your seed swimming at the apex of my thighs, the same thighs you have condemned as unworthy of being shown.

Yes, I own a Panda fluffy hat/mitten combo!

I was once told by a guy (who once pleaded with me to let him cuddle me, and I declined several offers of his, after realizing that his affection to me only included him satisfying the part of him that needed to feel like he'd conquered some great intellectual, sexual dime, but not my own feelings or desires), that I clearly hate myself, and all men can see it, that's why I "don't have a man" (despite having 3 of 'em at the time, I don't do the social media advertisement slots with photographic evidence of my relationships, whether you believe they exist isn't my problem- so he ran with whatever). His conclusion of my self hate came according to my consistent evidence of posting sexy pics of myself, for men's approval.

I remember why I'd begun posting those images of myself, they were my testament of acceptance. They were me, loving me, and sharing my love of me with others.

Today, his words came back to me, and I felt immediate remorse, for not recently showing my own body more love and adoration for it being exactly what I'd wanted it to be.

Make no mistake, as a woman, I can only exist as myself, and I refuse to make any apology for it, except to myself, all of her, for not loving me, and taking me for granted.

An Abused Child, An IronHyde Woman.

Yesterday was a breaking point for me.

Got a lot of shit I don't talk about, in my personal life, the specifics of my "relationship" with my mother is pretty high on that list.

Sure, people know we don't get along, but, only a few knew why.

Now, I wasn't a saintly child, lord knows for some reason I started lying and couldn't stop. I was messy, and forgetful, gosh I was forgetful.

I don't mind that I got beat, truly, in my generation almost everyone got lashes.

What I do mind (I just fucking started crying) is that I got tortured, because I hadn't learned my lesson from the last beating, or because I didn't cry enough the last time, or because she was so much angrier that this time I did it in front of people, or because it was more creative to find more damaging things to hit a skinny ass little beansprout with to see how far she could be pushed before she gave up and just was exactly the child her mother/tormentor thought she was supposed to be.

Abuse had many forms.

I watched my collection of books burn, being an only child, to a reclusive socially dysfunctional mother, I didn't exactly have a lot of friends (Juliana was there from Infants B, because I spent Infants A at Ch Ch Girls) but I had my books, and because I hadn't washed my undies in the shower and forgot them in my laundry heap, I watched nearly 2000 books burn.

That was one day I would have just let her keep beating me if I knew it would have taken that turn.

I really don't know why I lied, I always knew it would come back to me, I would spend my bus fare buying snacks with the other children, and tell the conductor she didn't give me bus fare, after about 2 weeks of this, the conductor got tired and bawled her out in the road.

The beating that evening, tore skin from my back, ass and thighs, it started when Brave Star started and ended well after the Salem strangler had been standing by Marlena's bed.

She seemed to love my cousins more than she loved me, because all of them could get angry with her, or be rude or forget things, and just get a scolding, and all was well. Me, I got the electric wire, phone cord, window stick, hot saucepan, plugged in iron (that was reflexive, I hadn't washed my school socks and had to wear over a pair and I only told her when she was pressing, she just used whatever was near to lash out). My eldest cousin, beautifully quiet girl, got pregnant at 17 I think, while staying at my mother's house mind you, she was having trouble home with my aunt, but I, was constantly reminded that any boy comes near me, she would kill me.

If I got pregnant, she would kill me.
If I had crushes, she would kill me.
If a boy called my house (which one from secondary school did, and yip, I got beaten although this time I wasn't lying, I hadn't given anyone my number and certainly not a boy, but it was one of my school friends, I think Krystal Henry or one of the other girls, pretending to be a boy, pranking me, after getting my number from a sheet the teacher told me to put my number on) ... I couldn't go to school for 2 days recovering from that beating.

By time I was developing the mentality that there is freedom at 18, I was sexually active, I was discovering that people frowned on abuse, but none of those people had to go home to her so many times I shut up. She had isolated me from my father, and her family saw me as a problem child, and her as a problem, so no one ever came to my defense.

Oh but plenty people loved to tell her how much trouble I was getting into though, my first year of fourth form, I was tired, mentally, I was sick and I was stressed, someone played another prank, and wrote some shit in one of my exercise books that I had had sex with someone named Jeremy (hilariously, there is NO Jeremy who went to school with me) and the beating that evening was epic, my head got slammed into about 4 walls because I kept twisting to avoid the punches to my ribs, then she got tired, and decided to chop off all 14 inches of my hair, this was a Tuesday, my hair had just been done on the Sunday night and was gorgeous, but it was something boys liked so it had to go.

After that money was tight, so I stayed home a lot, she would tell me "You're not learning anything at school so you're not wasting my money to go to school" and her boyfriend would sneer at me, laughing that i was too stupid to know how to be what she wanted. Only as an adult I started wondering why she really kept me home so often, I thought it was a lack of money, but I remember she had a car, and my grand mother lived in Speightstown, so I could have always gotten food, plus there was always food in the house for her and her man, I thought it was because I was behaving badly, but, keeping me home 3 days a week, almost every week, with no phone in the house, and neighbors who realized she was beat killing me, so they hardly reported to her when I would leave the house to go up to Bentham's gas station or over by Helen's. I have no real idea why she did this. Maybe I really was that bad a hellion.

i would draw, if you think you have seen my drawings as an adult and think they are anything, me as a child would have left you stunned. I was pumping out high quality art pieces that would make Marc Silvestri smile, this isn't arrogance, I was that good during those years. and she hated it. another thing to add to the list of things I got beaten for every week. No, I seriously got beaten for drawing every week. I refused to stop. It was my first cognizant rebellion. You can beat me, but I will not stop drawing. Up until the day she tried to break my right hand and had it swollen, I laughed as she beat me.

I didn't hate her, I mean I went on to win about 4 art competitions in school, and still, stupidly, I took home my prizes to show her, and she angrily accused me of stealing money and lying, then threw out my water colors, art pads, pens everything.

I cannot remember what caused me to run away to my dad's house that night I left, I remember her calling home and telling me "when I get home, you gine wish you were never born" and that was the last straw for me. The fear was so real. I packed my clothes, all i owned, my school books, and shoes and I ran.

From Blowers to Holetown, and up to Lower Carlton, looking back praying that the headlights weren't her and Rudolph coming for me. Crying that this time I was going to die.

nah, the abuse didn't stop there but for about a year of my life I was free of the fear of going home to her and I could actually have REAL friends

This is why I cannot stand her today, why I fight to forgive her now that she is trying to be a better human to my own child, see, the abuse isn't tied to her, it's tied to me. My mother don't know how to be anything but abusive to me, and I now understand, we cannot exist together.

I sent my daughter to live with her, after she volunteered to take her until i got back on my feet, knowing that WE would never be that happy mother and daughter I see everyone being, but I wanted to give her the chance to be that mother she dreamed she was before she lost herself as my nightmares.

Yesterday she called me and told me she cannot be in my child's life because MY attitude to her is harmful, lol, to both her and MY child, I told her great job, have no future contact with either of us, just make sure I get my child's documents...

Now I wait.